The insomniac is back! In my previous post, I gave you a “fly on the wall” view of what happened during one of my treatment sessions, with an un-named woman known as Client #1. That was last week…Let’s revisit her case and see how she is now. She has been a patient of Dr. Metz for almost 20 years, but in comparison she is relatively new to me. She is aware that I am sharing her information here, and gave me her blessing. I am very grateful to her for being so open, honest and revealing, as she shares her healing journey with me, and you:
Well this week the client reports that after her last visit, she took my advice (who knew? :)), and continued her processing around the issues we had discussed. Her insomnia abated that night and for several nights thereafter. She managed to get some of her other physiological needs met, which probably also helped: Sex and physical nurturing, followed by a lovely indulgent picnic with her partner in the redwoods, during which she connected to the enjoyment of her food and really felt nurtured. Together they visited the coast for a couple hours of Etheric uplift, laid on the beach and dozed, relaxed in the warm sun. Her best night’s sleep was that night. The insomnia and restless legs did creep back later in the week, especially when she got her period. She is on her third day now and is thrilled that her menstrual cycle is going so well, not even any PMS this time! Though still chronic fatigued, given her psychologically demanding week (internally and externally), she is so pleased with how she’s feeling. Since we’ve been working on these issues for quite some time, she is happy to be noticing results.
So like last time, I perform an Energy Resonance Scan in order to discover what her system is dealing with at the moment. This is the “match” that resonated with her the most: Parenting/attachment issues (to be, or not to be?); enmeshment issues around her female identity and expression thereof (feeling responsible to be the person others need or want her to be); and conflict in her Conscious Mind around old thoughts/beliefs/attitudes about what it means to be a parent (responsibility overwhelm vs. abandonment grief). This trauma came in with her, unresolved, from a past life AND re-surfaced again in this one, to be dealt with. This conflict is due to sensitivity around these issues (as opposed to projection or transference). Resolution of this old energy pattern is slowed (as opposed to blocked, or stalled) due to the sensitivity around the alternatives (to be, or not to be?…Neither, she says!). She needs to work on acknowledging this conflict within herself, seeing both sides, and then waiting to see what emerges from doing so. Her conflict is a consequence of the trauma itself (as opposed to a defensive mechanism, although that has come in to play, or another purpose being served). The status of the conflict has taken a positive turn and is headed in the right direction, in other words her energy around this issue is improving, coming more into a balanced healthy state.
The psychological trauma that most of us encounter retreats to the Unconscious Mind (though that doesn’t necessarily mean we are unconscious of it), as a result of being little sponges for the unspoken energies in our personal environments. The Unconscious Mind, in turn, affects the Subconscious and Conscious Minds (though, when the trauma is so intense that it gets disassociated, we are not conscious of it at all, making us at times feel/act “crazy”). The Mind is like a river; the texture of the river bed, its obstacles if there are any, affects the surface flow of the river water, even when you can’t see to the bottom, to what’s causing the pattern on the surface. What lies beneath…the rocks, the logs, the jigs and jags…results in the tumultuousness and power of the water’s flow. In this analogy, the Unconscious is the river bed, the Subconscious is the water current, and the Conscious Mind is the river’s surface.
As we’ve discussed in previous posts, there are three components to Dr. Metz’ Fundamental Field Therapy (used individually/simultaneously, and not necessarily in the following order): Energy Resonance, Gentle Balancing Touch, and Awareness Dialogue. As for the second, hands-on therapy, this is what I will be working on today: I will have Client #1 start by laying face down on the massage table; I begin with tracing the Fundamental Field Pattern using both hands, in a Yang direction from head to coccyx (more on Yin/Yang energies in a future post); I move to reflex areas of the Negative Pole, a.k.a. the Autonomic Sympathetic Nervous System (associated with the “fight or flight” stress response), at the Water Element (feet, hips, buttocks, sacrum, upper back, spleen) and the Ether Element (top of head, throat, midline, thumbs); then, I move to reflexes in the Neutral Pole, a.k.a. the Autonomic Para-Sympathetic Nervous System (associated with the “relax and renew” return to equilibrium), at Jin Shin Points #26 (back of the armpits), as well as at the Acupuncture Fire Element – Triple Warmer Meridian (outside of the ring fingers/top middle of the wrists), and the Wood Element – Liver Meridian (outside big toes/lower foot tops) and – Gall Bladder Meridian (outside ring toes/outside lower ankles); lastly I go to reflex areas in the Positive Pole, a.k.a. the Central Nervous System/Cerebrospinal Nervous System, and end with massage (of cranium/sacrum). I fill in the therapeutic gaps by making other intuitive hand contacts/movements during the entire course of the session.
As with last time, I tell her when the session is finished and allow her to rest alone in the room for several minutes while I conduct a post-Bodywork Energy Resonance Scan. Within my framework, the resonance scan of her system now points to the recommendations of: Meditation for a half hour a day (ideally every day, but especially for the next two) to help her Neutral Pole do its job of “relax and renew”, in addition to helping yet another issue that is connected to her Ether trauma, as she recapitulates her early life by re-living that trauma in her spiritual life. She sees her relationship with God as “just one more person making demands on her, requiring her to be a certain kind of person” in order to get His love and support. (I have often found this to be the case…God becomes our parent as we project and transfer our traumas onto our relationship with Him, as if He were our parents). I sense that “change is coming” for her in regards to all her relationships, including her spiritual one. It would also be beneficial for her to focus on being more Yang, to keep from shifting into a PMS state. Such Yang activities would include: Maintaining more boundaries and lower connection, having assertive/aggressive motor action, being externally-referenced, physically active, independent, rational and consciously-motivated in her approach to things. On a more tangible note, keeping away from caffeine, eating more complex carbohydrates, fermented foods (i.e. yogurt), more Water foods (leafy greens and squash) and fiber, would positively support her biochemistry through this process. Unless something changes, I suggest she have a return visit with me in 3 weeks.
Last but not least, I recommend that she “gestalt”, (which I use here as a verb). The definition of the word “gestalt” per Wikipedia is as follows: “[It is] a German term meaning ‘essence or shape of an entity’s complete form’…The phrase, ‘The whole is greater that the sum of the parts’ is often used when explaining Gestalt theory”. Wikipedia further defines “Gestalt Psychotherapy” by saying that: “[It] is an existential and experiential form of psychotherapy that emphasizes personal responsibility and that focuses upon the individual’s experience in the present moment, the therapist-client relationship, the environment and social contexts of a person’s life and the self-regulating adjustments people make as a result of their overall situation. It was developed by Fritz Peris, Laura Peris and Paul Goodman in the 1940’s and 1950’s.” (See the link in my sidebar, under the category “Psyche, Spirituality, & Well-Being”). When I ask a client to gestalt, I mean that I’d like them to initiate a process whereby they close their eyes, go back in time with their mind’s-eye, and actually “be with and experience an earlier you”. Gestalt is a psychological term for processing which we use within the context of an Energy Framework, making mind-body connections that we refer to as Energy Awareness Integration. We use the totality of one’s gestalt experience in the context of Energy.
The area of concentration for Client #1 is to re-associate with this conflict that she developed (of need and enmeshment vs. bonding) at the time of conception, while in- utero and birth, for five minutes. She should do it here with me right now, so that I can be a witness for her. It can be helpful if we have another trusted person with us during a time like this, who is capable of being present, to hear and acknowledge what we are going through. I find it is best not to touch the person or say much, except maybe a “yes, I hear you”, or something to that effect. For her, that person is me, but I also think that she should do this again, alone before bed, for the next two nights. (Note: Everything I have described here about our conversation together, during her appointment, is an example of the mindfulness of Awareness Dialogue).
We commence, and the following is a paraphrase of what she experienced:
She says aloud, with her eyes closed, “I feel so disappointed and defeated, at the get-go, right out of the gate. This isn’t going to be the life I want. I don’t want to go back into the world. I wish I could kill myself and abort myself like the other fetuses. I’m going to have to be a mother to everyone in my family, right out of the womb. The doctor is using forceps to get me out, and I don’t even let out a cry…I’m trying to “hide”, I feel I have no voice, no say in the matter. I’ve been down this road before, and I don’t want to do it again”.
Afterwords, she said to me, “I never wanted to have children, and I think this is the reason why. The overwhelm. The abandonment. I think I have experienced this in a past life as a mother, with a death of a child, helpless, a pain I don’t want to go through ever again. If I never have children, I want it to be a conscious choice that I make from a healthy, balanced place; not one of fear of overwhelm or loss. I’m angry, like with so many other things in my life, I feel like I have no choice. All my mothering mojo and adaptive strategies feel like they are used up, my fate decided before I even had a chance. Frankly, I don’t know where I am around this issue. I hope this week I’ll find out more about myself. Physically I’m feeling uncomfortable and disturbed while re-experiencing this stuff. Since being in a new romantic relationship, because of our dynamic, I’ve been kind of feeling the urge to have a baby. Before I had always ruled out the idea, not even an option. So just thinking about it is really strange”.
Moving on to the second “last but not least”, is that she give herself a Negative Pole (Ether/Water) treatment, once right now, and again for the next two nights at bedtime. We proceed with her self-treatment, which surprisingly (?) brought up so much more. I instruct her to begin by holding both sides of her hips/buttocks at once; then moving her left hand to her throat and her right to her sacral belly; keeping her left hand to her throat, quickly working her way up to the top of head one chakra at a time along her midline; and finally grasping each of her thumbs, one at a time, and hold. I recommend that she stay on each of these reflex area holds for 3 minutes (~ 15 minutes total).
Again this is a paraphrase of her words describing the very visceral response to what was happening to her, then and now:
When she was at her hips, I heard her say over and over again: “NO!!! NO!!! NO f***ing way you are going to EVER get me to do that again! NO f***ing way! Women are supposed to have babies? Well this woman isn’t, and that’s okay!” I’ve had to spend almost my whole life painfully reminded of that fact, every 22 days…’You are designed to make babies, and that’s what the church and your parents expect of you as a female…make babies. Oh yeah, but be a virgin too and don’t enjoy it if you do do it.’ Afterwards, she told me she had a real sense of relief after she said that aloud.
When she was at sacral belly to throat, I heard her say: “Awww, so sweet! Beautiful bundle of baby love. Could be one of the best, most loving things I’ve ever done. It’s so completely normal and natural. Maybe I COULD handle it, I am an adult now, no longer operating from that infant place.
When she was at the throat to top of her head, she said it brought a sense of calm, and libidinous feelings too, as she thought to herself: “I surrender to whatever is meant to be, one way or another, and know that I’ll have the support and resources to be fine either way, whatever happens, as long as I realize that it’s for my Highest Good”.
When she got to the thumbs, she said she didn’t want to stay on the left, moved, and got angry with the right: “My Yin female side doesn’t want to take on/in anymore stuff!! Back off!!!!! My right Yang male side is just pissed that it had to give out so much and had to be so masculine its whole life. Not a happy camper.” After the treatment she said, the low back pain she had disappeared. I replied that often when we acknowledge the pain that our body and mind is trying to communicate to us, that simple act can take away the pain, at least momentarily. It doesn’t usually go away completely, until we’ve completely dealt with the issue that caused it.
This is the kind of connection we strive for in therapy! It really demonstrates the Mind-Body connection, how those memories are stored in our psyche and physical body, right down to the cells. When the disparate, polarized parts of ourselves come to conscious awareness, out of the shadows and into the light, it is so amazing. It’s called Integration!! We re-associate with the previously disassociated original trauma, so that we can process, with a new awareness, into a new way of being in the world. “Reveal, Deal and Heal!” When this happens, it is so encouraging. (And I imagine it’s like childbirth…All the anticipation, fear, and pain that a woman might endure…it all fades when the beauty of the new being is welcomed to life, and all you feel is love and gratitude). Of course, this kind of intense therapy doesn’t happen with every client. We have very similar backgrounds, which helps. She’s become comfortable with me and her own process.
The main goal of Energy work is to heal from the source. As such, the primary orientation is not the biochemistry/physiology. We definitely recognize it and work with it, but this is not about taking medication, or getting the latest diagnosis or procedure. It is about getting to the source, the Energy blueprint, which is the foundation of who you are and how you deal with life and health. Some people just want us to cure them, as opposed them healing themselves. The former is more of a victim perspective, the latter is a more empowering one. Client #1 has decided she wants to heal and is taking on that responsibility, doing her best to have faith in the process and to be patient with how it unfolds. The only true responsibility in our adult lives is to work on re-establishing our connection to our authentic self. It is from this place that we can truly be of service to others. This is a process that cannot be forced, only encouraged. It’s a very brave undertaking, to dig this deep and to be face to face with your buried PAIN.
This is not necessarily the norm, and not for the faint of heart, so to speak. Sometimes I can see that the mind connects, the client “gets it”, but when I go to do the bodywork, I have a hard time accessing the energy. And vice-versa, the person is not on board with the idea, but their body responds. I guess it’s the defenses of the Unconscious/Conscious Minds making a stand. (This often happens for people during meditation too, when the ego mind is confronted and called to task). For about half of my clients, I find myself focusing on their Immune Systems and helping them cope with stress. Once that is dealt with we can move on to other issues.
Most just want to come in lie down, go to sleep…and snore!…which is music to my ears :). It is somehow very gratifying to enable someone to let down their guard, to let go and relax in my little sanctuary :). And, not everyone wants/needs to know the “nitto-gritto” of what’s going on. They may have already gotten the recent gotten scoop during their treatment with Dr. Metz, and/or they are simply more private about their inner life, and that’s okay. Some people benefit more from not knowing, so that things can naturally, intuitively and spontaneously evolve for them. Others need to know every nuance and detail about what’s happening, in order to feel comfortable/safe. Ye ol’ Right Brain vs. Left Brain dilemma…as with everything else…BALANCE is our goal! The kind of deep inner transformative work that Client #1 had today is not for everyone, this time around. It is best not to judge ourselves, or others, in this regard (or any other for that matter). We gotta “meet them where their at” with compassion, if not understanding. All of us are at different stages in our life and healing…navigating the waters and riding the currents as best we can, where ever we might be taken…
Wow, what a wild ride it is!