• Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
• A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
• Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.
• Practice safe eating – always use condiments.
• Shotgun wedding – A case of wife or death.
• A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
• A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
• Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
• Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
• Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
• Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
• When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
• A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.
• What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead give away.)
• Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
• In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
• She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
• A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
• If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed
• With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
• The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
• You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
• Local Area Network in Australia – the LAN down under.
• Every calendar’s days are numbered.
• A lot of money is tainted – Taint yours and taint mine.
• A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
• He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
• A “little person” fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
• Once you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall.
• Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
• Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
• Acupuncture is a jab well done.

You either love a good punny, or you don’t. Right? Guess I’m just a goofy witticist…or a witty gooficist…I can swing both ways…