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Every one and every place has an Energy dynamic of its own. And I love this place where the confluence of energies, people with shared interests, art, history, environment (and yummy food), come together in timeless beauty. I have been … Continue reading
“All men and women are connected by an energy which many people call love, but which is, in fact, the raw material from which the universe was built. The energy cannot be manipulated, it leads us gently forward, it contains all we have to learn in this life. If we try to make it go in the direction we want, we end up frustrated, disillusioned, because that energy is free and wild.” ~ Paulo Coelho
Universal Directions (Photo by Maggie Begley)
Sometimes, there’s a signpost right before our eyes, if we choose to heed it. This one says to me, “Yield to Love, give it the right-of-way, and keep heading in THAT direction!”
Every day I am presented with a choice. Do I choose the way of Fear, or the way of Love? To name a few, Fear’s byproducts are: Negativity, Misery, Judgement, Anger, Guilt, and Anxiety; while Love’s byproducts are: Positivity, Hope, Acceptance, Joy, Freedom, and Serenity. Fear is invested in expectation and outcome; Love is not. That’s the energetic polarity of Lower Mind vs. Higher Mind. Here is an old tale which demonstrates this not-so-new concept:
An old Cherokee told his grandson, “My son, there is a battle between to wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy and truth. The boy thought about it and asked his grandfather, “Which wolf wins?”. The old Cherokee quietly replied, “The one you feed”.
The path of self-help, and self-love, is an interdependent enterprise which begins and ends with me. And by “begins and ends with me”, I mean taking adult responsibility for my own choices and reactions to situations, people and things, even when I get graffiti-ed on. 
Fortunately, since Universal Love has no beginning and no end, I might as well start tapping into that ever-present Energy Source right here and now, and never forget that it never ceases…to be an option.
“Faith came singing into my room, and other guests took flight: Fear, Anxiety, Grief and Gloom sped out into the night. I wonder that such peace could be. But Faith said gently, ‘Don’t you see? They really could not live with me’.”
Choices ~ Always Choices ~ Always Changing (Photo by Maggie Begley)
Energetic Bodywork ~ An Avenue for Lasting Change…
On one of Oprah’s final shows, she was reflecting on lessons learned. Oprah was interviewing an anorexic woman who was being given the advice, by a celebrity guest, to “Just change the way your brain works,” in other words, to just change her thoughts. And the woman replied, “But HOW do I do that? I’ve tried and it hasn’t worked.” Oprah said it was at that moment that she realized that she not only had to show people different possibilities for change, but she also had to show them HOW to accomplish that change in their own life, by giving them the tools to do so.
I agree, we do have to have a tool box of resources that we can go to for support. Such basic information as to the “care and feeding” of our own body: HOW to eat and exercise right, how to lose weight, how to meditate, how to have better interpersonal communication, organizational and personal make-over skills, as well as how to awaken politically and philosophically to new ideas. But some things go way deeper than the how-to basics, like with this poor anorexic woman, who felt helpless and eventually succumbed to her disease.
We don’t have to stay victims. If we can manage to get help, we can get to the undercurrents of psychological trauma that’s going on, which often influences all else that we try to accomplish. I, and many of my clients, have asked the same question: “But HOW can I change? What can I DO?” It is never as easy, nor happens as quickly as we’d like. We just want it fixed, and NOW! But it takes awhile to unravel those things, most of which have been with us, at least initially, since birth. Like unravelling necklaces that got intertwined in the jewelry box, it takes gentle patience, not force. Pulling and tugging just makes the knots tighter. But if we are not DOing, we feel like we have no control, and we don’t like that! Sometimes no matter how much our Conscious Mind wants something, our Subconscious/Unconscious Mind may not be ready, it’s just not up to speed with the rest of us yet. Those energetic blockages in the Subconscious/Unconscious Mind, are what need to be dealt with first, or at least in conjunction with that which we are already conscious of.
“A real solution comes only from within and then only because the patient has been brought to a different attitude.” ~ Carl Jung
Energetic Bodywork is one of the best things you can DO to facilitate this movement of energy towards a “different attitude.” I can personally attest to this. The Fundamental Field Bodywork portion (Gentle Balancing Touch), is one of the most important things I have participated in. That (largely Unconscious) Mind-Body connection is what helps integrate disparate parts of our Selves, thus making the “different attitude” an obvious and welcomed by-product of the process. You can’t just think or will your way to changing those deeper unconscious dysfunctional un-truths, those learned thought patterns that compulsively drive you to feel or act the way you do, even when you try your best not to. Eventually you will embark on a journey of personal and psychological processing. As I said, energetic bodywork has been my preferred route. (Click here to investigate other avenues of psychological processing/change. Though I know nothing else of the mudrashram.com organization, theirs was the only other post I found on the internet today that spoke of psychological processing in a way in which I could relate, and thought very interesting as well).
This inner attitude is not so much about DOING, as it is about BEING…patiently waiting for our own information to be revealed as our own Innate Intelligence permits and deems it so. Certainly another thing that we can DO is to consciously maintain a positive and open attitude of surrender about going through the painful process of returning to a healthy, authentic place, finding a lesson in every situation and learning from it, with gratitude. This is easier if you have a spiritual belief/community, and/or a practitioner/loved ones to support you during the tough times. The Mind-Body connection healing process of awareness is a very visceral experience, sometimes without words, only FEELINGS and sensations (like shivering, shaking, stomping, kicking, anger, crying, and familiar physical pain/discomfort). I’ve heard many a therapist say, “You have to feel it to heal it,” and “Breakdown equals break through.” I’ve learned to trust and honor every feeling, sensation, thought, and vision I have, as it always speaks to me. Even though I may not understand what is happening at the moment, I eventually notice a pattern and make a connection (over time, with help from Energy Resonance Scanning, and from my own intuition and experience). All those things you think are crazy are trying to communicate something to you that you are holding in your Unconscious/Subconscious Mind. All I can say is, it is a process, unique to everyone, but with the same disconcerting components…Growing Pains!!! All of us who are going through the deep healing that is born of integration and purification tend to feel majorly crazy, like we are going bonkers, and losing it.
To give you another perspective on the process, from another culture, read the following excerpt, which is just a portion of a bigger article:
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My view on this is slightly different, as I feel that none of us are healers per se, though we can heal our Self; in fact that is our mission, with the help of God, the Creator, the Energy Source of Love. Along the way, we lose track of our own Divine Essence, it’s no wonder to me that it is such a crazy-making adventure to find our way back. Unfortunately, our Western culture doesn’t do a very good job of supporting this process, I think because it is such a foreign concept, so mysterious, and therefore scary, to most. I so agree with this sad misinterpretation that people who are struggling in this way are dismissed, instead of supported. Later on in the article the Shaman refers to possession by outside spiritual/psychic entities being problematic. To this I would say, I don’t think we are necessarily “possessed” by any outside entities, but rather by the constraints and traumas, the energy fields of our own poor minds. Although, I would agree that our individual energetic make-up can make us more vulnerable to certain outside entities, as with the energy fields of other people, places and things we encounter — such as a stressed-out partner, a frenetic traffic jam, a flu virus, certain foods or medications — which can destabilize and disrupt our own systems in the process. So I suppose, why not other more psychic and/or spiritual entities? Regardless, I think the same would hold true, you have to be a energetically receptive host in the first place for anything outside yourself to take hold. That’s why being grounded in your self is so important. Reel it in. Ask for Divine protection and guidance, and highest healing good, for whatever you do.
Here’s some further insight, from an acquaintance of mine who asked to remain anonymous. This was she and her husband’s experience with the benefits and challenges of receiving psychotherapy. I give this example, and the one above, so that if you are going through this, you don’t feel quite so alone:
“BOTH my husband and I have been working on these things during the past couple of years…Last year, because of the work he and I had been doing with therapy, he TRULY got in touch with his authentic self. This resulted in a break-down, of sorts. He had severe anxiety attacks – not realizing what they were initially, and seeking medical ‘solutions.’ His therapist said he had seen this many times and, while it was scary to watch, he had never had anyone who hadn’t landed on their feet. My husband did. As he now says, be careful going into therapy and digging deep – the end result is INCREDIBLE, but the process can be challenging.”
This was also my personal experience as a patient, under the care and guidance of my mentor Dr. Metz, as well as witnessing it with a few of my own clients. Just for clarification, Dr. Metz and I are not psychotherapists, but we do deal with the psyche as an energetic field, from an Energy Medicine point of view. There is no doubt that the psyche and the body are an intertwined, interconnected system, with the Unconscious Mind largely in control of the show! The goal is to bring the entire cast of characters to center stage, so that they can be fully revealed, and dealt with in the light of day! You can then write a new and improved script for yourself.
I also must emphasize that the healing process is ultimately about love, compassion and acceptance, not about assigning blame or judgement. Even if we go there first, for valid reasons, we eventually learn to look beyond and deeper. It’s about connecting to the ENERGY of the emotion, feeling, or thought. Relationships create their own dynamic which become an entity of their own. Ultimately, we are angry at situations, not people. Reflecting on our relationships with other people is our way in to discovering the pain. Working through that emotion we feel towards another is part of discovering the trauma. Eventually we will be able to be more objective and to forgive the person, ourselves, and the situation. Remember, we are all at least half responsible for every adult dynamic we are part of. In this way, we are all students, and teachers, of one another.
The connections and realizations of the Conscious Mind usually come last, as the final step, not the first. Or in a series of slow unfolding, as often the pain is too much to bear and/or the information is too much to integrate all at once. That’s why it’s called a “process,” of processing. We are healed from the trauma once that energy is able to circulate freely through all the three Poles of the Fundamental Field: Positive Pole (Conscious Mind – Central Nervous System), Neutral Pole (Subconscious Mind -Parasympathetic Nervous System), and Negative Pole (Unconscious Mind – Sympathetic Nervous System). I myself have suffered from many illnesses. Energy Work has helped me get in touch with the dissociated emotional pain that got displaced into my body, making me ill. Once I healed the emotional pain, the illnesses diminished or ceased altogether. I only have a few left now, maybe three…believe me, there used to be many more, at least a dozen.
I realized along the way that stress, from holding those emotions, plus all the new triggers, was one of the largest culprits (and I think that’s true for everyone). When I took a 5-month trip abroad, my illnesses disappeared after a week or two. To me that was no coincidence! Not that the trip was easy breezy, it was not. But it allowed me a temporary reprieve from my limited sense of self and the expectation and overwhelm of responsibility that I was feeling at home. For me, travel has always been a welcome drug of choice. In Polarity Therapy terms, it supports my Ether Element, the Element that governs identity, self-expression, communication, boundaries, personal space, freedom and beauty. Ahhhhhh, just the thought of it makes me breathe easier.
What is your pain? And what is your “go to” place? What information can you learn to incorporate, to DO? And then, can you learn to just BE with yourself, and your emotions, from a place of acceptance, in a way that is honest and supportive? You can start by asking for Divine Guidance and Protection, set a healing intention, ask questions, contemplate and reflect on the answers that come to you. Trust the process that unfolds…for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. Make a commitment to love your Self, as you would love another.
Client #1 is making good progress! I just got a phone update from her and here’s a post-treatment update on our last visit. As I’ve spoken of in Parts One and Two, Client #1 was re-associating with a past unconscious trauma that she had experienced at the time of her birth. This trauma was dissociated (a.k.a. disassociated), and displaced into her physical body, and her psychology, though she wasn’t aware of the source. The unconscious emotional trauma of the original event caused her a lot of grief, guilt, anxiety, anger…and it was affecting her, still, decades later.
This is what Wikipedia had to say on the subject of dissociation, and Jung, my favorite Psychologist:
“Carl Jung described pathological manifestations of dissociation as special or extreme cases of the normal operation of the psyche. This structural dissociation, opposing tension, and hierarchy of basic attitudes and functions in normal individual consciousness is the basis of Jung’s Psychological Types.[19] He theorized that dissociation is a natural necessity for consciousness to operate in one faculty unhampered by the demands of its opposite.” Client #1 is a case in point, as her process has demonstrated in these three posts about her.
I had sent her home with instructions to do a self-treatment, which she did. The first night, she said she miraculously fell asleep during the very first hold. She said she had her hands on her hips/buttocks (Ether/Water contacts), felt a little bit of anger, and the next thing she knew… it was morning! The second night, she made it through the entire self-treatment, with not much emotional feedback, and she was worried that she wouldn’t have a repeat performance of the previous night when she escaped to dreamland…but she did fall asleep, about 5 minutes later.
On the third night, she was starting to feel the anger and anxiety build back up again, so she decided on her own to do another round of Energy Awareness Integration therapy (see previous post for definition). She said she was kind of dreading it, it gets tiresome. It started out in the usual way with anger and anxiety, but then changed course as it went along. But as she soon discovered, not all gestalt therapy has to feel bad. You know when you’re coming to the end of resolving an issue when you see things playing out differently, with a positive spin. She did her gestalt therapy again, but this time she saw herself as an adult, after coming out of the womb, and each family member she saw as a baby.
She was able to say to them, one by one:
“I am not responsible for meeting your needs, they are not my responsibility. I can have love and compassion for you, but your issues are yours, yours to deal with in an appropriate way. It is not appropriate that you make me responsible for the motherly bonding and nurturing you feel you are lacking from your actual mother.”
Client #1 started out feeling angry as usual, cursing at them, but when she stood up for herself and did so in an conscious way (instead of reacting and acting out from an unconscious place), this freed her to feel her innate compassion and love. The milestone was being able to do this, while maintaining a healthy and appropriate boundary, not a codependent one. She had to become secure enough within herself to be able to withstand abandonment, if it were to happen as a result, and she was no longer willing to tolerate the overwhelming need of taking on the emotional responsibility of trying to make everyone else feel better. That is an impossible task. No one can fill a void within another person. They have to fill themselves up, by treating their own self like they would their own treasured infant, or greatest love. It sounds selfish and narcissistic, but I’m talking about the healthy kind of self-love, which should be our greatest priority as when we achieve this, we actually have a broader and deeper love for everyone, and everything else.
Due to the (Ether/Water) energies moving and the traumatic pattern releasing, that evening she was consumed by her physiological urges. Her libido was calling, as were her obsessive cravings for food. The physical urges felt disconnected with reality, she was full-up, didn’t see the physiological need to satiate, so she explored in her mind and emotions, her relationships to sexuality and food. All during her life she ate copious amounts of food, she had to eat often or she would suffer the effects hypoglycemia. In spite of this, visually she was anorexic looking. Per my Energy Resonance Scan, she seemed to be eating as a way to self-soothe, for love and support. And she metabolized it so quickly, burned it up you could say, as a result of her anger, frustration and feeling powerless in being nourished. She thought that did resonate, given her situation. As an adult, she is still very protective of the food she does have, does not like sharing, and doesn’t like to see waste. She is always stockpiling, needs to have a full pantry, quick and easy access to food, or she gets panicky. Although, sadly and strangely she says there are times when she is so stressed and overwhelmed with the needs of others, that she can’t even feed herself, even if the food is ready to go, in her hand even. This makes her feel like a crazy person. I said she’s not crazy, she’s just behaving from a disconnected perspective, based on trauma. Her system was doing the best it could to take care of her, this is true for all of us, and instead of being disgusted with ourselves feeling gratitude and compassion is a better approach. But you still have to go through the gunk, “feel it to heal it”, you can’t just think the “crazy” away. She still regularly has dreams of food, usually at a time when she is not feeling nurtured. Dreams are a valuable tool for getting clues into our unconscious/subconscious reality. (That’s a whole other subject, but I can recommend my favorite book on the subject, The Dream Book: Symbols for Self-Understanding by Betty Bethards. You will see the link on my sidebar under the category “Psyche, Spirituality, & Well-Being).
Her psychology affected her physical body, her bust never really developed and she was “straight up and down”. I think this was a response by her body to her (Ether/Water) birth trauma, that is, the lack of being able to identify with and embrace her female self, as well as a defense mechanism to keep boys, and sex, far far away. When she did bloom, it was a very late onset. This anorexic look highly affected her body image, and her mother’s response to it didn’t help. Her mom never bought her a bra and felt that the only option was to shop in the boys department, both VERY traumatic for a young pubescent girl.
She never felt comfortable with her body or any of it’s functions, especially in public. She would never go swimming because it meant wearing a bathing suit, and risk being teased. She could never use public bathrooms. She said that as a child, she never had any trouble sleeping, quite the opposite, she required huge amounts of sleep and was never any fun at slumber parties, where one never ‘slumbers’, for all these reasons. Poor girl. Per my scan, I got that she needed to have the Ether support of sleep, to be able to cope. Now that she’s older and it’s time to heal, all her processing is contributing and interacting with other things to cause her insomnia. My sense is that all these symptoms of trouble with her physiological processes are the result of the issues we discussed in Parts 1 and 2. As we can see, she is well on her way to recovering her lost self! I feel encouraged by her progress, and am very proud of her for facing her ‘demons’ head-on. You go girl…You’re now an empowered woman!!
“I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.” ~ Louisa May Alcott
The insomniac is back! In my previous post, I gave you a “fly on the wall” view of what happened during one of my treatment sessions, with an un-named woman known as Client #1. That was last week…Let’s revisit her case and see how she is now. She has been a patient of Dr. Metz for almost 20 years, but in comparison she is relatively new to me. She is aware that I am sharing her information here, and gave me her blessing. I am very grateful to her for being so open, honest and revealing, as she shares her healing journey with me, and you:
Well this week the client reports that after her last visit, she took my advice (who knew? ), and continued her processing around the issues we had discussed. Her insomnia abated that night and for several nights thereafter. She managed to get some of her other physiological needs met, which probably also helped: Sex and physical nurturing, followed by a lovely indulgent picnic with her partner in the redwoods, during which she connected to the enjoyment of her food and really felt nurtured. Together they visited the coast for a couple hours of Etheric uplift, laid on the beach and dozed, relaxed in the warm sun. Her best night’s sleep was that night. The insomnia and restless legs did creep back later in the week, especially when she got her period. She is on her third day now and is thrilled that her menstrual cycle is going so well, not even any PMS this time! Though still chronic fatigued, given her psychologically demanding week (internally and externally), she is so pleased with how she’s feeling. Since we’ve been working on these issues for quite some time, she is happy to be noticing results.
So like last time, I perform an Energy Resonance Scan in order to discover what her system is dealing with at the moment. This is the “match” that resonated with her the most: Parenting/attachment issues (to be, or not to be?); enmeshment issues around her female identity and expression thereof (feeling responsible to be the person others need or want her to be); and conflict in her Conscious Mind around old thoughts/beliefs/attitudes about what it means to be a parent (responsibility overwhelm vs. abandonment grief). This trauma came in with her, unresolved, from a past life AND re-surfaced again in this one, to be dealt with. This conflict is due to sensitivity around these issues (as opposed to projection or transference). Resolution of this old energy pattern is slowed (as opposed to blocked, or stalled) due to the sensitivity around the alternatives (to be, or not to be?…Neither, she says!). She needs to work on acknowledging this conflict within herself, seeing both sides, and then waiting to see what emerges from doing so. Her conflict is a consequence of the trauma itself (as opposed to a defensive mechanism, although that has come in to play, or another purpose being served). The status of the conflict has taken a positive turn and is headed in the right direction, in other words her energy around this issue is improving, coming more into a balanced healthy state.
The psychological trauma that most of us encounter retreats to the Unconscious Mind (though that doesn’t necessarily mean we are unconscious of it), as a result of being little sponges for the unspoken energies in our personal environments. The Unconscious Mind, in turn, affects the Subconscious and Conscious Minds (though, when the trauma is so intense that it gets disassociated, we are not conscious of it at all, making us at times feel/act “crazy”). The Mind is like a river; the texture of the river bed, its obstacles if there are any, affects the surface flow of the river water, even when you can’t see to the bottom, to what’s causing the pattern on the surface. What lies beneath…the rocks, the logs, the jigs and jags…results in the tumultuousness and power of the water’s flow. In this analogy, the Unconscious is the river bed, the Subconscious is the water current, and the Conscious Mind is the river’s surface.
As we’ve discussed in previous posts, there are three components to Dr. Metz’ Fundamental Field Therapy (used individually/simultaneously, and not necessarily in the following order): Energy Resonance, Gentle Balancing Touch, and Awareness Dialogue. As for the second, hands-on therapy, this is what I will be working on today: I will have Client #1 start by laying face down on the massage table; I begin with tracing the Fundamental Field Pattern using both hands, in a Yang direction from head to coccyx (more on Yin/Yang energies in a future post); I move to reflex areas of the Negative Pole, a.k.a. the Autonomic Sympathetic Nervous System (associated with the “fight or flight” stress response), at the Water Element (feet, hips, buttocks, sacrum, upper back, spleen) and the Ether Element (top of head, throat, midline, thumbs); then, I move to reflexes in the Neutral Pole, a.k.a. the Autonomic Para-Sympathetic Nervous System (associated with the “relax and renew” return to equilibrium), at Jin Shin Points #26 (back of the armpits), as well as at the Acupuncture Fire Element – Triple Warmer Meridian (outside of the ring fingers/top middle of the wrists), and the Wood Element – Liver Meridian (outside big toes/lower foot tops) and – Gall Bladder Meridian (outside ring toes/outside lower ankles); lastly I go to reflex areas in the Positive Pole, a.k.a. the Central Nervous System/Cerebrospinal Nervous System, and end with massage (of cranium/sacrum). I fill in the therapeutic gaps by making other intuitive hand contacts/movements during the entire course of the session.
As with last time, I tell her when the session is finished and allow her to rest alone in the room for several minutes while I conduct a post-Bodywork Energy Resonance Scan. Within my framework, the resonance scan of her system now points to the recommendations of: Meditation for a half hour a day (ideally every day, but especially for the next two) to help her Neutral Pole do its job of “relax and renew”, in addition to helping yet another issue that is connected to her Ether trauma, as she recapitulates her early life by re-living that trauma in her spiritual life. She sees her relationship with God as “just one more person making demands on her, requiring her to be a certain kind of person” in order to get His love and support. (I have often found this to be the case…God becomes our parent as we project and transfer our traumas onto our relationship with Him, as if He were our parents). I sense that “change is coming” for her in regards to all her relationships, including her spiritual one. It would also be beneficial for her to focus on being more Yang, to keep from shifting into a PMS state. Such Yang activities would include: Maintaining more boundaries and lower connection, having assertive/aggressive motor action, being externally-referenced, physically active, independent, rational and consciously-motivated in her approach to things. On a more tangible note, keeping away from caffeine, eating more complex carbohydrates, fermented foods (i.e. yogurt), more Water foods (leafy greens and squash) and fiber, would positively support her biochemistry through this process. Unless something changes, I suggest she have a return visit with me in 3 weeks.
Last but not least, I recommend that she “gestalt”, (which I use here as a verb). The definition of the word “gestalt” per Wikipedia is as follows: “[It is] a German term meaning ‘essence or shape of an entity’s complete form’…The phrase, ‘The whole is greater that the sum of the parts’ is often used when explaining Gestalt theory”. Wikipedia further defines “Gestalt Psychotherapy” by saying that: “[It] is an existential and experiential form of psychotherapy that emphasizes personal responsibility and that focuses upon the individual’s experience in the present moment, the therapist-client relationship, the environment and social contexts of a person’s life and the self-regulating adjustments people make as a result of their overall situation. It was developed by Fritz Peris, Laura Peris and Paul Goodman in the 1940′s and 1950′s.” (See the link in my sidebar, under the category “Psyche, Spirituality, & Well-Being”). When I ask a client to gestalt, I mean that I’d like them to initiate a process whereby they close their eyes, go back in time with their mind’s-eye, and actually “be with and experience an earlier you”. Gestalt is a psychological term for processing which we use within the context of an Energy Framework, making mind-body connections that we refer to as Energy Awareness Integration. We use the totality of one’s gestalt experience in the context of Energy.
The area of concentration for Client #1 is to re-associate with this conflict that she developed (of need and enmeshment vs. bonding) at the time of conception, while in- utero and birth, for five minutes. She should do it here with me right now, so that I can be a witness for her. It can be helpful if we have another trusted person with us during a time like this, who is capable of being present, to hear and acknowledge what we are going through. I find it is best not to touch the person or say much, except maybe a “yes, I hear you”, or something to that effect. For her, that person is me, but I also think that she should do this again, alone before bed, for the next two nights. (Note: Everything I have described here about our conversation together, during her appointment, is an example of the mindfulness of Awareness Dialogue).
We commence, and the following is a paraphrase of what she experienced:
She says aloud, with her eyes closed, “I feel so disappointed and defeated, at the get-go, right out of the gate. This isn’t going to be the life I want. I don’t want to go back into the world. I wish I could kill myself and abort myself like the other fetuses. I’m going to have to be a mother to everyone in my family, right out of the womb. The doctor is using forceps to get me out, and I don’t even let out a cry…I’m trying to “hide”, I feel I have no voice, no say in the matter. I’ve been down this road before, and I don’t want to do it again”.
Afterwords, she said to me, “I never wanted to have children, and I think this is the reason why. The overwhelm. The abandonment. I think I have experienced this in a past life as a mother, with a death of a child, helpless, a pain I don’t want to go through ever again. If I never have children, I want it to be a conscious choice that I make from a healthy, balanced place; not one of fear of overwhelm or loss. I’m angry, like with so many other things in my life, I feel like I have no choice. All my mothering mojo and adaptive strategies feel like they are used up, my fate decided before I even had a chance. Frankly, I don’t know where I am around this issue. I hope this week I’ll find out more about myself. Physically I’m feeling uncomfortable and disturbed while re-experiencing this stuff. Since being in a new romantic relationship, because of our dynamic, I’ve been kind of feeling the urge to have a baby. Before I had always ruled out the idea, not even an option. So just thinking about it is really strange”.
Moving on to the second “last but not least”, is that she give herself a Negative Pole (Ether/Water) treatment, once right now, and again for the next two nights at bedtime. We proceed with her self-treatment, which surprisingly (?) brought up so much more. I instruct her to begin by holding both sides of her hips/buttocks at once; then moving her left hand to her throat and her right to her sacral belly; keeping her left hand to her throat, quickly working her way up to the top of head one chakra at a time along her midline; and finally grasping each of her thumbs, one at a time, and hold. I recommend that she stay on each of these reflex area holds for 3 minutes (~ 15 minutes total).
Again this is a paraphrase of her words describing the very visceral response to what was happening to her, then and now:
When she was at her hips, I heard her say over and over again: “NO!!! NO!!! NO f***ing way you are going to EVER get me to do that again! NO f***ing way! Women are supposed to have babies? Well this woman isn’t, and that’s okay!” I’ve had to spend almost my whole life painfully reminded of that fact, every 22 days…’You are designed to make babies, and that’s what the church and your parents expect of you as a female…make babies. Oh yeah, but be a virgin too and don’t enjoy it if you do do it.’ Afterwards, she told me she had a real sense of relief after she said that aloud.
When she was at sacral belly to throat, I heard her say: “Awww, so sweet! Beautiful bundle of baby love. Could be one of the best, most loving things I’ve ever done. It’s so completely normal and natural. Maybe I COULD handle it, I am an adult now, no longer operating from that infant place.
When she was at the throat to top of her head, she said it brought a sense of calm, and libidinous feelings too, as she thought to herself: “I surrender to whatever is meant to be, one way or another, and know that I’ll have the support and resources to be fine either way, whatever happens, as long as I realize that it’s for my Highest Good”.
When she got to the thumbs, she said she didn’t want to stay on the left, moved, and got angry with the right: “My Yin female side doesn’t want to take on/in anymore stuff!! Back off!!!!! My right Yang male side is just pissed that it had to give out so much and had to be so masculine its whole life. Not a happy camper.” After the treatment she said, the low back pain she had disappeared. I replied that often when we acknowledge the pain that our body and mind is trying to communicate to us, that simple act can take away the pain, at least momentarily. It doesn’t usually go away completely, until we’ve completely dealt with the issue that caused it.
This is the kind of connection we strive for in therapy! It really demonstrates the Mind-Body connection, how those memories are stored in our psyche and physical body, right down to the cells. When the disparate, polarized parts of ourselves come to conscious awareness, out of the shadows and into the light, it is so amazing. It’s called Integration!! We re-associate with the previously disassociated original trauma, so that we can process, with a new awareness, into a new way of being in the world. “Reveal, Deal and Heal!” When this happens, it is so encouraging. (And I imagine it’s like childbirth…All the anticipation, fear, and pain that a woman might endure…it all fades when the beauty of the new being is welcomed to life, and all you feel is love and gratitude). Of course, this kind of intense therapy doesn’t happen with every client. We have very similar backgrounds, which helps. She’s become comfortable with me and her own process.
The main goal of Energy work is to heal from the source. As such, the primary orientation is not the biochemistry/physiology. We definitely recognize it and work with it, but this is not about taking medication, or getting the latest diagnosis or procedure. It is about getting to the source, the Energy blueprint, which is the foundation of who you are and how you deal with life and health. Some people just want us to cure them, as opposed them healing themselves. The former is more of a victim perspective, the latter is a more empowering one. Client #1 has decided she wants to heal and is taking on that responsibility, doing her best to have faith in the process and to be patient with how it unfolds. The only true responsibility in our adult lives is to work on re-establishing our connection to our authentic self. It is from this place that we can truly be of service to others. This is a process that cannot be forced, only encouraged. It’s a very brave undertaking, to dig this deep and to be face to face with your buried PAIN.
This is not necessarily the norm, and not for the faint of heart, so to speak. Sometimes I can see that the mind connects, the client “gets it”, but when I go to do the bodywork, I have a hard time accessing the energy. And vice-versa, the person is not on board with the idea, but their body responds. I guess it’s the defenses of the Unconscious/Conscious Minds making a stand. (This often happens for people during meditation too, when the ego mind is confronted and called to task). For about half of my clients, I find myself focusing on their Immune Systems and helping them cope with stress. Once that is dealt with we can move on to other issues.
Most just want to come in lie down, go to sleep…and snore!…which is music to my ears . It is somehow very gratifying to enable someone to let down their guard, to let go and relax in my little sanctuary . And, not everyone wants/needs to know the “nitto-gritto” of what’s going on. They may have already gotten the recent gotten scoop during their treatment with Dr. Metz, and/or they are simply more private about their inner life, and that’s okay. Some people benefit more from not knowing, so that things can naturally, intuitively and spontaneously evolve for them. Others need to know every nuance and detail about what’s happening, in order to feel comfortable/safe. Ye ol’ Right Brain vs. Left Brain dilemma…as with everything else…BALANCE is our goal! The kind of deep inner transformative work that Client #1 had today is not for everyone, this time around. It is best not to judge ourselves, or others, in this regard (or any other for that matter). We gotta “meet them where their at” with compassion, if not understanding. All of us are at different stages in our life and healing…navigating the waters and riding the currents as best we can, where ever we might be taken…
Wow, what a wild ride it is!
So a client walks into an office….No, this is not the opening line of a joke…Well maybe a Cosmic joke! Sometimes it feels that way, walkin’ around in these mysterious bodies, on this crazy planet Earth! But when clients actually do walk into to our office, they frequently ask the question, “What exactly DO you do?” Therefore, I will be explaining just that. I’m going to get down to the “nitto gritto” and give you an example, a case-study, from a client to whom I shall refer to as “Client #1.” As you know, I am an Associate Polarity Practitioner (A.P.P) who performs Dr. Richard Metz’ Fundamental Field Therapy, which is a more integrated and advanced version of Dr. Randolph Stone’s original Polarity Therapy. These therapies follow the magnetic model of subtle polarized energy, as it applies to the human body (et al). We too have an electromagnetic energy field within and around us that flows like a magnet, with Positive, Neutral and Negative Poles. As a practitioner, with attention and intention, I make specific hands-on contacts to specific reflex areas, in each of these Poles. The areas of concentration, contacts and suggestions that are made, are largely determined ahead of, and during, the session via intuition and Energy Resonance Methods.
Now as for this female client who just came into the office…She did have an appointment and this was not our first time meeting. As usual, I start by giving her a hug and bringing her back into my treatment room. I tell her what I’ve determined from my Energy Scan. The Energy Scans that I conduct are based on my intellectual understanding of how the energetic system is set up, according to what Dr. Metz has taught me about his Fundamental Field Theory/Therapy. From this framework of possibilities, I find what most closely resonates presently with the client’s system. It’s like doing a “Google” search for key words on the Internet…I’m searching for and finding a correspondence between her energy and mine, and coming up with the closest possible matches based on that input. This “matched resonance” directs me towards what to do and how to do it; in other words, how I can most effectively and efficiently accomplish what needs to be done, based on what I know. What comes up for her right now is that she does indeed need a therapeutic treatment from me today, lasting approximately 60 minutes. (The nature, timing and length of treatment is something I consider before proceeding with every treatment). The issue that resonates best at the moment is that we deal with a an unconscious belief pattern that she acquired in her past (from this and a previous lifetime), as part of her interpretation of, and adaptation to, her young circumstances. She’s still holding onto the energy of this thought-pattern, and it is not serving her well(ness). Within the framework of my energy assessment point of view, I get the sense that she is not happy inhabiting her body, and is not pleased with having to deal with its inevitable physiological processes.
Not surprisingly, after speaking with her, she tells me that she has a long history of disorders in this department, which affect her on the physiological level: Sleeping, breathing, eating, reproducing and eliminating. There may be other issues contributing to her problems, but as of now, acknowledging and sorting through her entrenched beliefs around these issues will put us on the right path towards resolving them. Insomnia, Restless Leg and Chronic Fatigue Syndromes are her most pressing problems at the moment. She needs to see if she can bring awareness to her belief system: That she internalized early on that she is the one responsible for meeting the needs of others and therefore she has no energy, or desire, to take care of her own; that no one is paying real attention to her needs, and they will never will; that she herself is not empowered around the very basics of nurturing herself; that she wants to run away because on some level she can’t handle it and doesn’t want to be here, neither as a “Spiritual Being having a human experience”, NOR as a “Human being having a human experience”! This is reflected in her current inability to get her most primal physiological needs satisfied and functioning in normal, healthy ways, as well as feeling restless anxiety, and exhaustion most of the time.
I suggest that she go back in her minds-eye to when she was 10 years old…BE that little girl, and notice what she experiences. She is well-versed in this “gestalt-style” processing and it isn’t long before feelings of anger and betrayal surface. This was a time in her life when a traumatic family event exacerbated feelings of powerlessness and anger for having to be “trapped in this stupid human body, that no matter what I do, is going to end up betraying me anyway”. In addition to a strict religious upbringing, this didn’t bode well for her having to deal with her “stupid body, prepubescent at that”. After cursing and swearing at that reality, the overwhelm, anxiety and exhaustion of her early situation showed up. “My (family) life was such a burden, I couldn’t cope with one more thing, even eating and eliminating properly, let alone getting my period”. Within this therapeutic context, I encourage her to be free in embracing the full range of thoughts and emotions, without any judgement towards herself…(You gotta FEEL it to HEAL it). I let her be with these thoughts and emotions as I begin the treatment, supporting that energy and getting it to move.
What follows is a description of the general game-plan for today’s hands-on treatment, within which I allow the spontaneity and creativity that intuition brings (the intuitive steps are not described here): I have her lay clothed, face up on my massage table and she will remain in that position for the full hour; seated behind her head, with my hands gently cradling her, I begin with Negative Pole contacts for the Ether Element, by cupping her ears, then placing one of my hands at the top of her head and the other on her throat, then the back of her neck to the midline at the thymus; I then work Neutral Pole acupressure points of the Kidney Meridian (on the pinky toes, inner ankles and mid-sole of the foot), and Jin Shin Points #22 (below the collar bones), #23 (bottom of the rib cage on the back) and #26 (back of the armpits); and finally, I focus on Positive Pole contacts, massaging her feet with lotion, and finishing with a head massage, the forehead and temples in particular. I tell her that the treatment is over and to continue to lay on the table for a few minutes before rising and drinking the cup of water I’ve left on the desk. I leave her alone in the treatment room, and tell her to open the door when she’s ready for me to re-enter and bring the session to a close.
While she’s gathering herself, I scan my Energy Resonance sheets again and once she opens the door, I relay what I’ve found: She might consider coming back to me in a week’s time, depending on how things go; for now she needs space in which to continue psychologically processing; I recommend that she cancel any social obligations for the day, spend time alone, resting, relaxing and meditating; lastly, as an acknowledgement of her issues would help free up more energy for sleep, I also have her write down an affirmation to say at bedtime. Her affirmation is this: “I was given the sacred gift of human birth. My body and all it’s functions are beautiful and necessary, not something to feel resentful of, ashamed, guilty or burdened by. I acknowledge that I have these feelings, and though my thoughts are askew, my experience and my feelings are valid. My Spirit depends upon a healthfully functioning human body. These things, ‘the sacred and the profane,’ can exist side by side without conflict, as long as I have a balanced outlook”.
This is the issue that her energy field wanted to “reveal, deal, and heal” today. Her own Innate Intelligence is what determines the pacing and timing that’s just right for her, given the details of her unique energetic make-up. This means that every session with me might be different for her, every time. Or conversely, every session might be very similar to the last, until the issue has been sufficiently dealt with. This is what makes my job so fascinating. There’s a lot of variety and it heavily depends on my skills of bodywork, intelligence, intuition, creativity, nurturing and understanding, all at the same time. Best of all, I get to see folks who are willing to deal with their issues, help them to make progress and get some relief, while being their biggest fan and cheerleader along the way.
Kudos to my “Spiritual Warriors” for doing their “Soul Work”! :)
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Long Live Creativity! Happy 1st Birthday to “The Spirited Soul”!
“I’m not happy if I’m not creating” ~ Michael Jackson (R.I.P.
)
Coincidentally, when I saw this quote the other day, I had just been contemplating this notion. I was feeling very sad the night before, then followed the urge to do some writing and messing around with my photos, basically re-connecting with my Self and the Creative Source. Lo’ and behold my mood changed dramatically, to one of Etheric joy.
It doesn’t always transpire this profoundly, but I was primed and ready for an internal shift. In my experience it can work the other way around too. If I’m not centered and happy, I can’t create. We’ve all had that experience, where our bad mood is reflected in the things we do (such as the meal we’ve just prepared…and burnt). I spent so many years unbalanced and stifled in my own inability to express myself. I still have an “ebb and flow” that goes on, but now, thankfully, it’s mostly a “flow” in the right direction!
For instance, to date I’ve made 89 posts to my Blog, where I’ve also listed 312 links in 15 categories, and have a whopping 11 subscribers (you know who you are
); 240 of my photos have been uploaded to my Flickr account; 11 of my videos have been uploaded to my YouTube channel (275 from other sources, selected and put into 6 categories); 582 followers accumulated on Twitter, 1,463 Tweets have been tweeted; and 77 Fans are “Liking” my Facebook Page! Modest numbers by Internet standards, but I am so pleased. 
Foremost, I love my “audience of one”. I’m my own best company, and if others join in…it’s a BONUS! I like being alone, but I can’t have a party if no one shows up. I think it was Oprah who said, “You make a far better you than a fake someone else”. And I say, when that happens, you respect yourself, and that is attractive to others. The process of self-discovery, in itself, can be very captivating. We are so uniquely…the same! This is one of the reasons I’ve been drawn to watching Oprah all these years and also to watching what I consider to be the best of the reality-type TV shows. My favorites are about people being challenged to create: Top Chef, Project Runway, So You Think You Can Dance, and American Idol. We are curious animals. All of us want to have personal stories played out in front of us, one way or another. The common thread I like that runs throughout these shows is the message to be yourself, do your best, and not try to please, or copy, anyone else. It is just plain better if you can know who you are, stay authentic, put your whole heart into what you do, connect with your audience and/or environment, and then accept the fact that not everyone is going to “get it” or appreciate what you have to offer…and that is okay…really it is. There will be people who do. And ideally, you will be secure enough to have no regrets, even when rejection comes.
“I’m beautiful in my way, ’cause God makes no mistakes” ~ Lady Gaga
There are as many opinions and interests as there are people, and some are nicer than others about letting you know where they stand. I think it’s so important to encourage others and to provide them feedback, including kind constructive criticism, when we can. At some deep level, we all desire to be “seen”, “heard” and acknowledged. For this reason, I never pass up an opportunity to give someone, even a stranger, an honest compliment, not just about their artistic expressions, but also their admirable qualities, choices, and behaviors. Their faces always light up, even if it’s just in a flash right before they deny it, get self-conscious or embarrassed…or deflect by reciprocating back. I love it when I get an enthusiastic and empowered “Thank You!” in return.
The other big theme of these reality shows is to be open to taking advice or criticism without getting defensive, to listen and learn from feedback (especially from your experienced mentors), and then to decide what you can, want, or need to improve upon to make it more your own, if anything. That final decision is your call, being confidently and humbly true to yourself is key. You gotta “own it” first or no one else will buy it! I have a think that most artists are never 100% satisfied with what they produce, but they MUST continue in the striving, it’s what keeps them alive and moving forward, to the next project. The things we create have so much of ourselves in them, sometimes it’s hard to separate the two. “It is what it is”. And,“You get what you get”. The raw emotion is there for yourself and everyone else to see, and judge. It is a very courageous thing to engage in, to be exposed in this way.
Like others, I have also experienced feelings of disconnected disbelief in the process of creating: “Did I just do that?”; “That picture seemed to paint itself”; or, “That poem seemed to write itself”. Paul McCartney said this very thing about his song “Let It Be” which he apparently wrote in the span of 15 minutes, felt like he “channelled” it.
We are amazed at what emerges when we connect to the Creative Source and let that Energy flow through us. Being in that space can be very meditative, therapeutic and uplifting, as well as emotional, cathartic and angst-ridden. That polarity is part of its allure. Either way, we have to be careful not to intimidate ourselves into paralysis with expectation, good or bad.
“If God calls you, pick up the damn phone!” ~ Lady Gaga
Ultimately, creative expression is both an investigation of the Self that is our Spirit, our personality, AND the Self that is our Soul, our spark of Divine Oneness. Indeed, one track leads into the other and back again. By tapping into an Energy that is within us yet larger than ourselves, timeless and universal, it becomes easier (in terms of Life AND Art) to overcome ego and surrender our attachment to a desired outcome. Regardless, it really is less of a struggle if we free ourselves and give up the burden of control. I now say to myself, “Be a leaf in the stream and see where the current takes you”. I wasn’t always like that, rather quite the opposite. However, I found that some of my best outcomes evolved from a “mistake”, that when I worked it through, resulted in an improved state, one I could never have planned or imagined (again, Art AND Life!). That made a lasting impression on me.
I am SO amazed with those artists who are SO free that they spontaneously feed on that Energy, and partake of its dynamic nature: Improv theatre, musical group jamming, ceremonial single-event sand painting, sculptures made of wet ocean sand or block-ice, street murals made of chalk on sidewalks, or my favorite environmental artist, Andy Goldsworthy, who lets the “ravages” of weather, wind and sea slowly consume the artwork that he’s patiently brought to fruition. I think I could maybe do that, but I’d have to document and record it in some fashion first, so I could hold on to it.
I am generally a person who gets attached and has a hard time letting go, and saying goodbye….Oy, Transitions! Change! Oh my – It’s ongoing! 
Art has so many lessons for us, and we all have the innate ability to create and express, even when we find ourselves blocked. We are ALL artists. Being human is an art form. We are all about creating…co-creating, pro-creating, re-creating…Look around, everything you see, or sense, is a product of Someone’s or Something’s idea or handiwork. Even other sentient beings (besides Andy
) have gotten into the act, either intentionally or unintentionally. For examples, see two of my earlier posts: “One of Nature’s Great Artistes” on the Bower Birds of New Guinea (7/26/10) and “Dolphins are Cultural Animals Too” (7/8/10).
Of course it’s nice if we can support ourselves financially with our artwork, but regardless of what we do for a living, we can bring our own flair to whatever we do…like those guys on the sidewalk that hold up signs advertising businesses…some entertain us by dancing, smiling and waving while doing so. Or, there’s the accountant making us laugh with his dry wit; the “stylin” coffee barista sporting an outrageously fun outfit, new hairdo or tattoo; the dad who reads bedtime stories to his kids, in character, complete with all the voices; the widow who delights passersby with her glorious front garden, where she collects flowers, carefully arranging them to brighten her insides, and sharing her excess fruit and veggies with the local Senior Center; the knitter who makes stuffed bears with sweet little faces for AIDS orphans in Africa; or the skilled athlete thrilling his or her fans by making the unbelievably perfect shot. I DO consider all of these to be artistic platforms – one of the many ways in which I’m “liberal”
. Our mission is to find our own expressive niche and then go for it, even if it’s just privately for our “audience of one”, to please ourselves…although, even so, we rarely find ourselves truly alone.
Eventually that passionate Energy permeates from the inside out. The world needs YOU, your art and beauty, your social commentary and positive momentum. Like so many, you can go public by being an activist with your art. Jamie Oliver, and his Food Revolution, is a recent example who has touched me by simply bringing his love of cooking and nutritional education to our shores, especially for children, and has had to overcome one frustrating obstacle after another, but continues to press on. There’s all kinds of things that you can do, or be, or build, that can be shared with others, through volunteering or philanthropy, by starting a non-profit or for-profit business, or by serving a loved one right in your own household. The possibilities are endless. It’s the perspective we have, and the attitude we choose, about how to approach our lives that makes the difference. And part of that is ditching the anxiety, guilt, and fear long enough to hold the belief that YOU are significant. We ALL are significant, deserving of compassion, and can beneficially influence ourselves and others in the smallest of ways. If nothing else, with a hug and a smile.
Speaking of which, the quiet birth of my modest little blog, “The Spirited Soul” was, and still is, a hugely integral part of my healing journey…towards self-love and self-expression. It is indeed an online oasis for me. Thank you to all who visit me here, and who support me by bearing witness to my progress. I hope I inspire YOUR “Spirited Soul” to meander down Life’s creative avenues, as all of YOU out there in the Universe inspire ME to keep on keepin’ on…Spreading the love and good vibes, far and wide…This is my wishin’!
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