Life, Seasonally

My mom is in the Winter of her life, though it is Springtime and approaching Summer here in California. Maybe that’s why she has me pruning everything to death? The fuchsia you see in the foreground of the photo below is down to stubs now, as is the tree out front.

Photo by Maggie Begley

On May 1st, my mother’s moderate dementia (of the vascular variety), took a sudden turn for the worse. Within an hour or so, she went from being as functional as she had been (under her “new normal”), to almost completely incapacitated. That left me, her live-in companion, to make a sudden shift myself…to supreme care-taker extraordinaire. Talk about shock and awe. I had never showered, dressed or tied the shoe of another person, let alone my own mother, who had just dressed herself that morning.

Of course, being the energy medicine practitioner that I am, my evaluation of the situation was that the energy had been drained in her Negative Pole because of a virus that had been making the rounds. This one hit her hard…not in a detectable physical way so much, but in a cognitive brain overload. Since we are made up of polarized life-energy, when too many items pull on a particular circuit, that circuit is depleted until power is restored to full capacity. That’s what I think happened to my mom…too much energy going to her immune system to fight the virus didn’t leave enough energy for her already compromised brain to function properly. When I took her to the Emergency Room, the doctor said, “Sometimes a patient has an infection which can mimic or induce stroke-like symptoms.” I thought to myself, “Ah Ha! We are not so far off in our thinking.” Of course, Dr. Metz and I often detect things energetically that have not made their way yet to the body’s biochemistry, physiology or structure, which means much of the time evidence of such will not show via standard medical tests. Sure enough, no evidence of infection, NOR evidence of a stroke, hmmm. I’m not gonna rule out either/both.

Now 25 days later, she still hasn’t recovered her ability to have lasting or complex conversation, nor can she read or write. She can do small tasks, and has no problem pointing out her wishes in the garden…everything needs to be pruned waaaay back (insert grand gestures here). She doesn’t seem to have the awareness that this is springtime, not winter, and is the worst time to be pruning. No lemons or camellias this year…

“To everything, a season.” ~ Ecclesiastes 3:1-14

However, for good or for bad, she has become more self-aware in the last 2 weeks. She knows what is happening to her, we can talk about things in limited ways. The other day when we were sitting in the backyard, she turned to me and tearfully said, “Nothing left”. She stood to lean and peer over the fence around the home she’s lived in for 50 years, luckily I had my phone and was able to capture the moment that you see in the above photo.

She still hasn’t called me by name, just calls out “helloooo?” or “honey, that’s too hot”. She tries to express her sense of humor in physical ways, with funny faces, movements and such. Nonetheless, this is all very heart-breaking. Our sometimes overly-bonded, semi-contentious relationship has been softened as I care for her and she lets down the guards she had built up over the years. The passage of time does that to a person. It makes me fear and dread getting older, but in this case, there are still blessings to be thankful for. The more gratitude you have, the more you see. Even when you temporarily lose faith, it comes to find you. For me, it shows itself in the form of hearts…like the one you see on the bluff below.

Photo by Maggie Begley

Ironically, this photo was taken during my first guilt-full Mother’s Day off from being an attentively loyal daughter. I’ve always have made sure that my mom was totally attended to on every holiday, being that it was mostly just her and I, how could it be any different? This time though, I had her 88 year old beau come take her for the day so that they could spend some time together before he went in for a heart stent procedure, and so that I could escape for a bit. The coast is always my first choice and it never disappoints. I saw caterpillars, pelicans, seals, and whales on their migration route. It started out cloudy and cool, and by sunset it was balmy and sunny. Weather imitates Life.

My family has always been a fractured one, with a long-deceased father, and 4 estranged siblings. My dad died when my mother was 48, I was 8, and my siblings were 19-23 years old. So we also had two different families within one. We were never close, only me to my mom and vice-versa, and I felt like I was in the middle all the time of one person or another (I don’t relish the role of peacemaker, but I compulsively took it on). Anyway, this recent event with my mom, who now needs supervision/assistance 24/7 has brought my family together in unprecedented ways. We all agreed that our intention is to take the best care of our mom that we can, and heal all of our relationships as a family, working towards rebuilding trust and support of one another. God works in mysterious ways…

Photo by Maggie Begley

The above scene is one that I witnessed on a quick walk at a lake nearby our house. I stole a few moments to get out in nature the day after Mom had her incident. I felt SO overwhelmed with stress, worry and responsibility, I just wanted to kill myself! I was recapitulating the time in my life where I felt I had no choice and no support…right after my dad died when I was 8. I felt I went right back there, and became a helpless child. With some bodywork and support from Dr. Metz, I made the connection and was able to process out some huge blocks of emotion and break free from what was. I am not a child anymore, I can ask for help, receive it, and survive sudden and traumatic change in healthy ways. This is going to have a ripple effect that extends beyond this date and place. I will be forever changed by this passage in time. Life, seasonally…

On this earth plane, aside from Divine Love, Change is the one thing we can count on. Polarity is the stuff of which Life is made: Light and Dark, Liquid and Solid, Earth and Sky, Heaven and Hell, Courage and Fear, Gravity and Levity…to name a few…and all the transitions in between. Our task is to Embrace It All, Survive and Thrive, and Be Grateful for Each Lesson, as We Grow in Wisdom and Faith…

I count on God to “cook and season” me juuuuust right for maximum flavor. :) (Foodie that I am, I just had to get an analogy in there some how). :)

Photo by Maggie Begley

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Excavations: Internal & External

Image via Google

I say Life imitates art and vice-versa, just as psychoanalysis imitates archaeology and vice-versa? I think that’s why I gravitate towards them. Both involve an adventure in searching, finding, or not finding, patience, diligence, risk-taking, ascertaining, learning, understanding, making connections between past and present. You never know what will reveal itself, when, and how. You might start out looking for one thing, and find another. Everyone involved will have an opinion, and a vested concern in what is done with what is discovered. Warning: Deep Excavations!!

“In both anthropology and psychoanalysis interpretation is archaeological: the uncovering of what is below the surface. Its predominant metaphor is ‘depth.’ The ‘deeper’ the meaning the ‘truer’ the meaning.”

~ From Vincent Crapanzano, ‘Hermeneutics and psychoanalytic anthropology’, in “New directions in psychological anthropology”, 1992, pp. 294-307, Theodore Schwartz, Geoffrey M. White, and Catherine A. Lutz, editors, Publications of the Society for Psychological Anthropology 3, Cambridge, Great Britain: Oxford University Press. [Thank you to my good friend Christian, who shared this quote with me. He is an archaeologist, dream analyst, and all-around well-rounded good guy who shares many of my same interests.]

Keep in mind that there are professional standards, regulations, laws, and rules of conduct in archaeology about who, what, when, where and why it is practiced. It is the same with us as we excavate our own psyches and inner spiritual selves. Proceed with care, in how you choose your team, and be gentle with yourself in the process. The closer you get to your authentic truth, the rockier and more harrowing it can get just before you break through. Here the Golden Rule applies more than ever, and again vice-versa: Love yourself as you would your neighbor, with respect and compassion.  That’s a good foundation on any turf.

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Causes & Solutions for Stress

There are 3 components to the concept of stress:

1.)  The Stressor

2.)  Our Informational Processing & Perception of the Stressor

3.)  The Stress Response & Its Effect on Our System

The Stressor is the situation that initiates and stimulates the Stress Response. Informational Processing/Perception by the individual, which of course varies from person to person, is what determines WHICH stimulus is indeed a Stressor to that person. This can build over time, or occur very swiftly. Our Proccessing/Perception is what connects our Stressor to the Response by our system.

Thus we have:

Stressor + Informational Processing/Perception =  Stress Response/Effects.  

The Stress Response is well-defined and involves all aspects of the individual, from psychological to physiological.  This response is a call to action response from a threat, or sense of urgency, about something in one’s environment.  It is designed to be a short-term event.  Too much Stress Response, especially when it turns chronic, undermines our health.

The Stress Response is non-specific, it is not limited to any specific stimuli.  Any number of different stimuli, which can be ANY aspect of one’s life, can become a Stressor and initiate a Stress Response.  The Stress Response is cumulative…many different SMALL Stressors can have the same effect as one LARGE Stressor.

The key to managing stress is to address EACH of these 3 components, which is accomplished with Fundamental Field Theory and Therapy:

1.)  Identify and remove the Stressor (removing is not always feasible, but identifying is);

2.)  Change how we Process/Perceive the information so that the Stressor’s meaning to us is not so compelling or threatening;

3.)  Counteract the effects of the Stress Response (in addition to energy therapy…there’s massage, exercise, meditation, prayer, fun, rest, diet, etc…).

These 3 approaches interact in positive self-reinforcing ways. For example, removing the effect of the Stress Response will allow us to process information in different ways, changing the meaning of the Stressor, and providing insight as how to more effectively remove the Stressor, which in turn means less Stress Response.

Potential Stressors are internal as well as external. Our thoughts can initiate a Stress Response without the presence of an external Stressor.  For example, when our thoughts are difficult to control, negative, self-reinforcing, and part of a stress-creating pattern, we then have Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTSD).

Conscious/unconscious internal conflicts can be a source of continuous chronic stress. Our impulses to act are blocked by conflict, building tension. We are compelled to act, but can’t, because our conscious/unconscious selves may see any other alternative as threatening in some way. The best approach to resolving INTERNAL stress is to handle in the same way as our approach to EXTERNAL stress, by addressing ALL 3 components.

Copyright 2010 by Richard Metz, D.C.

Content may be shared freely if author cited.

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A Christian Conversation

Image via https://www.facebook.com/TheGoodLordAbove

This is a conversation which began with a friend of a friend on a personal Facebook account. My friend is an atheist who posted this picture, and her friend is obviously not, as you can see by the comments of this person I call, ‘other’.

I had to chime in on the conversation, of course! I thought it was interesting enough to make a post of it. We all come at our existence and how we relate to the bigger picture from different paths.

This is the direct account of what was said, names removed:  

Other:  what would you know about prayer? just curious

[This was in reply to my atheist friend who posted the photo and who doesn't make a reply here. The 'other' and myself take the conversation further...].

Maggie:  We change ourselves by praying to God to help us be a better person, to be grateful, humble, respectful and loving, not to get our way. At least that’s what I pray for. And I do think that everything happens for a reason, that there is a divine plan. As in politics there are conservative religious, and liberal spiritual, as you know, I’m more of the latter. I see your point though, most of the prayerful are biased, wanting God to take sides. They want to be the ones in control instead of a loving non-judgmental God which to me is scapegoating, hypocritical, egocentric and xenophobic.

Other: If I may respectfully say, He is loving and also judgmental. Real love without judgement is not love at all but some warm fuzzy feeling. I agree that most people want to be in control of what God should and shouldn’t do in his/her life. There is no conservative or liberal God but only the God of the Bible. He is the One we need to get to know better and if our opinion differs from His then we are wrong. So I guess He does take sides: His. And we’d better be on His side :)

Maggie:  My Opinion: I agree, God does take sides when it comes to the basics of “right” and “wrong”. It is up to us to make our decisions and reap the consequences thereof, “good” or “bad”. It’s called free will and personal responsibility. God doesn’t take sides with regards to religion. He loves all of us, unconditionally in a warm fuzzy way, not just a select few. He has His rules, but He is a loving father. I think we project our views on to Him, thus making Him a conservative, a liberal, or non-existent. No one really knows for sure, that’s why I think everyone is entitled to their opinion, without our judgement getting in the way. Who are we to judge?

Other:  Perhaps when we read how Jesus treated the religious leaders who had their own opinion about God can give us a better insight what God thinks about religions. He hates false religions. He wants all of us to come to Him, to His reality and not what we make out Him to be. I agree, He is a loving Father but somehow I don’t think His love is the fuzzy, mushy kind. John 3:18 He who believes in Him is not judged; he who does not believe has been judged already, because he has not believed in the name of the [f]only begotten Son of God. ….and following verses. He asks us to judge! We definitely need to judge but WITH RIGHT MOTIVES not like the Pharisees and the other religious leaders did. If there are genuine “good” and “evil” then we must judge between them correctly like He does.

Maggie:  We are operating from different premises, as I don’t use the Bible as my point of reference in the way that you do…So we’ll just have to agree to disagree…

Other:  That is fine with me. I just wonder then how you come to objective truth? Or you prefer to be a relativist?

Maggie:   I was raised Catholic, but my view of God is more comprehensive now. I’m not a relativist in that I do believe in one absolute truth, but I guess I am a relativist in that I believe that Truth is interpreted relative to each person’s conceptualizations. I’d say I’m an experientialist…for me, experience is the only true knowing. I believe ALL Holy books have value, but I prefer to interpret them from the mystical point of view, not a literal one. Mysticism is a common thread in all major religions, and “pagan” ones as well, meaning seeking direct experience of God. So I guess you could say the former is my objective truth, and the latter is my subjective truth.

The Facebook conversation between the two of us ended at this point. But would you like to add to the conversation here? I invite you…They who pray well together, play well together… :)

Image via https://www.facebook.com/peaceday

For more insight into this topic, check this out: “God Is Not a Christian” from the Huffington Post. It is an excerpt from the recent book by Archbishop Desmond Tutu, 1984 Nobel Peace Prize Winner.

I now end with this, just to show that I have a sense of humor even though I take things very seriously. When something is funny, even with gross generalizations, it usually means it contains a shred of reality… :)  I can personally vouch for the Catholic portion.

Image via https://www.facebook.com/TheGoodLordAbove

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Give a Hoot, Don’t Loot

As some of you know, I have a B.A. degree in anthropology (1990). I’ve never had a career as an anthropologist :( but I was lucky enough to work with a great group of archaeologists when I was an Administrative Assistant at the Anthropological Studies Center (and earlier, at the California Historical Resources Information System), both at Sonoma State University in Rohnert Park, California.

One such archaeologist, Mike Newland, is also a very creative and gifted artist, writer and teacher. It is obvious that he cares deeply about who he is, what he does, and about educating others. KQED Public Radio has broadcast several of his radio essays, a couple which I’ve referenced in previous posts. The newest one is about his concern on a recent matter, which speaks on behalf of myself and others who are like-minded. In just a few short moments, he explains the importance of preserving our historical and cultural heritage, in a way that will ultimately benefit all of us, not just a few.

There are those who clearly don’t share this perspective, namely cable’s Spike TV and National Geographic (and the viewers who support the shows in question). Each station is airing a reality show that glamorizes and encourages so-called ‘treasure hunting’, American Diggers and Diggers, respectively. Click here to listen to Mike’s brief radio essay and/or join the Facebook Page called People Against Spike TV’s American Digger.

Of course, the idea of finding buried treasure appeals to a lot of folks, it has long been romanticized as being exciting, and potentially money-making. But it is also disruptive to educational research and disrespectful of our past and the people who created it (if it is done at all, let alone incorrectly). No one is perfect, but at least anthropologists and archaeologists have noble intentions, even if in retrospect they haven’t always approached things in the best way. But they continue to learn and revise their craft as they go. It’s part and parcel of the scientific method. They are our best go-to people, and they need our help.

So, if you want to become involved in hunting/collecting treasures, do so ethically and responsibly. To determine what to do with what you find, in the first place leave it where it is, take a photo if possible, and then consult a reputable, qualified, professional archaeologist, preferably at a local university, about what to do next. Better yet, in addition to seeking out a professional for the short-term, consider the long-term investment of becoming one yourself! Go back to school and find a professional career in which you can channel your passions! :) The ASC at SSU is a good place to start…

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Finder of Views

(Photo by Maggie Begley)

When I saw this image through my camera lens, it was mind-boggling in its whimsy and begging to be captured…

When your personal ‘viewfinder’ plays a trick on you, seize it! Question reality, what you see, what you hear, what you assume to be true. I remember my SRJC sociology professor, Scott Fuller, saying: “If you’re bored, it’s just because you’re not asking enough questions.” Though to a certain extent, ignorance IS indeed bliss. I wish there were some things I didn’t know, or didn’t want to know. There’s a lot of yuck out there that I don’t want to step in, but maybe I should. It’s a matter of ability and discernment, about what to handle, if and when. Information = Complicity that’s the dilemma of a curious and conscientious mind, attached to a sensitive soul.

On the bright side, there is so much brilliant Love in this Universe, internally and externally, we couldn’t possibly absorb it all at once, we’d be blinded by the sight! That’s WHY the Divine doesn’t reveal us to ourselves all at once. A permanent state of bliss is not possible on this plane, is it? We must reach Higher to achieve sustainable and lasting Bliss. As such, I keep this flip-side as my positive focus and fully enjoy all the temporary moments, bit by bit, until I achieve permanent status. Learning and growing is what it’s all about, cultivating playfulness and gratitude, whilst skipping… and tripping…along. So ‘on-asking’ and reaching I will go.

The nature of the human mind is to be locked into pre-conceived notions of our limited vision. Breaking outside it is our spiritual nature coming to the surface to save us from ourselves. Taking in the larger context can be thrilling, and unsettling, rocking us off our core, but ensuring a stronger foundation with its jolt. It can also be reassuring, helping us to finally make sense of our own myopic vision. Like an establishing shot in film, it provides information, the big view. Without it, things can be more confusing, a dark room to grope our way through.

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Does this establishing shot give you context for the previous photo? (Photo by Maggie Begley)

A raconteur knows their power and is skilled at eliciting emotion, entertainment, and provoking thought, holding our attention hostage till the end. Good storytelling depends on the presentation, sequence and editing of one’s point of view, no matter the medium. I have made a few slide shows in my life, a few for this blog (see samples 1 and 2). As short and simple as they were, putting them together brought this point home. Obviously I am not a professional photographer nor a professional writer…I realize I could use a good editor for the latter. (It’s just me, myself, my camera-phone and computer). The beauty of photography, and writing, is that it enables us to virtually seize a moment in time, that can be enjoyed for eternity. That too is human nature, clinging. With a work of art, you only get one chance to tell an entire story, or many stories at once…all open for interpretation of course. That’s what makes it ‘art’! As you know, my definition is a broad one, how do you define the word?

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I should have also taken a shot of the bridge I was standing on, from afar, but this smirky bridge detail was as close as I got. (Photo by Maggie Begley)

I love abstract photos precisely because I like to have my mind ‘messed with’. Close-up macro shots allow us to see things we might have otherwise missed, or not have put together ourselves…when we can’t see the trees for the forest! (For more photos of mine, click on my menu bar’s ‘Foto Flickr-ing’ link, or just click here).

Talk about abstract photos and persons…Today, we don’t have to stray very far to wonder if what we are seeing is real, or should I say, an ‘untouched original’? With photoshopping/digital manipulation and plastic surgery being the norm, we must question reality in the real sense. More so, question the manipulator, and their intentions. Take the following video for instance:  It can be argued too, that this is just another art form. The human body has always been a canvas, it’s just that the ante has been upped: Competition for perfection among the masses, with corporations and their advertisers at the helm, greed driving the ship.

Questioning various perspectives is also why I enjoy spirituality, metaphysics, travel, culture, as well as immersing myself in the drama of my nightly dream life. And it’s probably why other folks like to experiment with psychedelic drugs and such…to break down and expand their own barriers of conscious experience and perception. This is not just a current and/or hippie-dippy 1960′s phenomenon. Historically, psychedelic drugs have been used in traditional medicine and religious ceremonies, as well.

Earlier this week, my mind played another trick on me. I lost my glasses. I knew they had to be in my bedroom. I remember having last seen them atop my jewelry box, as I was going to brush my teeth and retrieve my cleaning cloth. Upon my return they had vanished into thin air!! Was I crazy??? There was no sign to the contrary…

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(Photo by Maggie Begley)

I scoured my room for several days before a friend volunteered to lend his eyes to the search. Sure enough, within minutes he had rescued my glasses from within the dim recesses of my jewelry box. Absent-mindedly, I must have picked them up, gotten sidetracked opening my jewelry box to make an earring selection, and while I perused, laid my glasses inside on the bottom tier.

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You wouldn't have seen them either, would you?!
(Photo by Maggie Begley)

What’s amazing to me, is that I had not only looked for them there specifically, but I had been in and out of that box at least five times after they disappeared. I had probably even been so close to have TOUCHED them and STILL I didn’t SEE them. When my friend said, “Are these them?,” I thought he was joking. When I realized he wasn’t, I surprised myself by crying…I felt betrayed by my own mind. I was so upset at having something I needed RIGHT under my nose ALL that time and not being able to SEE it! Consciously/subconsciously, we seem to see what we WANT to see when we WANT to see it, and we see what we NEED to see when we are READY to see it. Or we simply don’t have our glasses on, and couldn’t see it even if we wanted to! :)

To me, it was a metaphor much bigger than the situation itself. Looking isn’t necessarily seeing, but it will eventually will lead us to our treasures. Life is full of synchronous, anecdotal, archetypal, metaphorical, metaphysical, multi-sensory, intuitive, experience! Our internal/external daily life is constantly imparting information to our spiritual psyches…louder than we can hear at times. The Divine just keeps trying to reach out to us, with a full arsenal, until we finally do wake up, see, and behave differently.

Hindsight = Foresight
Looking for More = Seeing More
Knowing Better = Doing Better
Searching = Finding…

There was another lesson here that was not lost on me: Straying from the present moment can have obvious problematic consequences, in other words, “Pay attention!!” For emphasis, I got a speeding ticket later in the week, on my way to a massage appointment of all things! Obviously, I wanted to hurry up and relax! Luckily no one was hurt by my swiftly moving non-presence, while racing through a residential neighborhood!! I’m waiting to see now if I finally heard the message loud enough!

All pared down, this is the gist of what I’m trying to get across: We are the manipulators of our own reality. What is ‘Reality’, really? It’s up for grabs. Our mind is the lens that creates our personal portrait. With care, be mindful of your own self.

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(Image via Google)

Wishing Godspeed and a safe and artful journey to my fellow ‘View-Finders!’


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2012: A Good Thing

Light is Transformative (Photo by Maggie Begley)

According to this article, a Mayan interpretation, the world is not going to end in December 2012:

Carlos Barrios, a Mayan elder and Ajq’ij (ceremonial priest and spiritual guide) of the Eagle Clan, initiated an investigation into the different Mayan calendars circulating. Carlos along with his brother Gerardo studied with many teachers and interviewed nearly 600 traditional Mayan elders to widen their scope of knowledge.

“Anthropologists visit the temple sites,” Mr. Barrios says, “and read the steles and inscriptions and make up stories about the Maya, but they do not read the signs correctly. It’s just their imagination… Other people write about prophecy in the name of the Maya. They say that the world will end in December 2012. The Mayan elders are angry with this. The world will not end. It will be transformed. The indigenous have the calendars, and know how to accurately interpret it, not others.”

Aside from the obvious lesson of being careful in our interpretations of sacred writings and beliefs…the message here is one of TRANSFORMATION, not fear.  It sounds like the world as we know it may be coming to an end…The new birth of Transformation is not an easy one, but it is a necessary part of an evolving life on the home planet. And an exciting time to be alive.

The New Year has potential to be a very GOOD thing!  Make it so. :)

Puddle Prediction on New Year's Day (Photo by Maggie Begley)

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